Thursday, August 07, 2014

A Good Sport...

Invesco Field, 2009...


"We're just cheering for laundry..."
--Jerry Seinfeld


I often joke with TVGal after she brings up something sport-related that she can't name 10 active NFL players.  Indignantly, she begins with someone like Brett Favre or John Elway and her answer has a number of zero pretty much every time.  

Today I had my own sports faith tested twice... once someone at work asked me to play Fantasy Football and then later AirportRob wanted to play trivia at a local watering hole.  The trivia was all NFL questions, at which I reluctantly realize that I completely suck at.

But how much do I suck at it?  Was it fair to ask the question of TVGal's sports knowledge when I didn't ask myself the same question?  I decided to put myself to the test...

The ground rules...

1. I get 30 minutes total to name as many active players as I could in the following sports... NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, MLS, College Football and College Basketball.
2. No reference materials of any kind.  Pen and paper, kicking it old school.  
3. If I get the first or last name wrong the entry is invalid.

I was pretty certain I'd be somewhere in the triple digits... and now, the results....


Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.  But certainty is an absurd one.


NHL - Sydney Crosby (1)
NBA - Tim Duncan,  Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Kevin Durant, Nene, Chauncey Billups, Dwight Howard, Carmelo Anthony, Blake Griffin, Russell Westbrook (12)

Not good so far.. but my favorite sports were to come (NFL and MLB).  Since our college TV Network dissolved in 2012 I haven't watched 1 single second of college sports.  So complete is my disdain of all collegiate athletics that I cannot honestly tell you who won the championships of either sport for the last two years.  I can't even guess.  I decided last year for the first time in about 3 decades to not do an NCAA bracket pool... didn't watch a second of March Madness.  Turns out gambling was really my only interest in any of it... but can I think of any names?  


College Football - Zero
College Basketball - Zero
MLS - Zero

Now I'm in trouble.. to get to at least a 100 people I've got to get about 45 per remaining sport.  Surely my love of the St. Louis Cardinals is enough to get me there, right??

MLB - Albert Pujols, Adam Wainright, Yadier Molina, Allen Craig, Derek Jeter. Troy Tulowitzki. (6)

Beyond embarrassing.  Not a Cub. Not a Red Sox. I thought Matt Holliday's first name was "Mike."

I can name THREE players on my favorite team.  3.  I'm sure if I googled their starting lineup tonight a few more would trickle in, but seriously... THREE??


Then I remembered I haven't watched a baseball game on TV this season and I don't feel so bad.

So let's review... I'm at 19.  I need 81 NFL players out of a possible 1600 or so.  I have to be able to do this.. I watched football virtually every Sunday last season.  This should be a cakewalk... let's do this!!!

I'll go by team...

Bears - Jay Cutler (1)
Lions - Calvin Johnson (1)
Broncos - Peyton Manning (1)  -- horrifyingly pathetic.  I watched the Super Bowl! They are my hometown team!  I live a stone's throw from the stadium!!  Sigh.. let's get this misery over with....
Giants - Eli Manning (1)
Seahawks - Russell Wilson (1)
49ers - Colin Kapernick (1)
Saints - Drew Brees (1)
Colts - Andrew Luck (1)
Panthers - Cam Newton (1)
Steelers - Ben Rothlisberger (1)
Patriots - Tom Brady (1)
Vikings - Adrian Peterson (1)
Redskins - Robert Griffin (1)
Cowboys - Tony Romo (1)
Browns - Johnny Manziel (1)
Ravens - Ray Lewis (1)
Dolphins, Jets, Bills, Cardinals, Rams, Texans, Bucs, Titans, Bengals, Chiefs, Falcons, Raiders, Chargers, Eagles, Jaguars - Zero

Okay, that was miserable.  One running back in the entire league?  No kickers? No Offensive Lineman?  That list is essentially quarterbacks only.  

One chance remains.. time to list as many Packers as I can... this should be a long list so (ed. note -- we've decided to delete the rest of this sentence to prevent further embarrassment for TVGuy)

Packers - Aaron Rogers, Randall Cobb, Jordy Nelson, AJ Hawk, Clay Matthews. (5)


21 NFL players from a sport I've watched religiously for the last decade.  

Is there a term for Sports Alzheimers?  Because I've got it... 

40 total athletes.  I'd be interested to see how the rest of you do... no, wait.  I wouldn't obviously.  I could name 41 or more celebrity chefs for god's sake.

Onward to other things....

Dan: We'll bring you the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and because we've got soccer highlights, the sheer pointlessness of a zero-zero tie.
--"Sports Night" (ABC)

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